Mary’s Solitude

I was saying the glorious mysteries of the rosary on the way to church last week and pondering on how Mary felt after the Ascension.  I was thinking how did Mary do it?  She suffered watching her son die on the cross.  She held his lifeless body in her arms, but she knew that He would rise again.  After the forty days were over and his Ascension into heaven drew near, I pondered what Mary was thinking.  How could she separate herself from Him who was her all and her God?

This question opened up another meditation for me.  I started to ask Jesus since you never sinned, why did you separate yourself from Mary and Joseph for three days?  I had heard it said that it was to prepare Mary for the three days without Jesus when He was in the tomb, but I just felt like there was more to it.

So, I continued to meditate on her suffering.  I concluded that surely she would receive mystical visitations of her Son and since she was the spouse of the Holy Spirit, He definitely wouldn’t leave her side.  This thought process comforted me but then the Lord blew me away.

As Jesus often does, He answers my questions through books that I am reading or the readings at mass.

I had started reading a book named, “A Mother’s Spiritual Diary, Conchita” edited by M.M. Philipon, O.P.

Servant of God, Maria Concepcion Cabrera de Armida (Conchita) life was fascinating as she was a mother of nine children who suffered the loss of four of her children and her husband.  Jesus gave her many messages and I was just about to turn the page to a new section.  The title of that section is called Mary’s Solitude.

Jesus said to Conchita: “You had for long pondered the first solitude of Mary, that is, the exterior solitude, but you had not thought about the cruelest and the bitterest, the interior solitude which tore her to pieces and in which her spirit felt an agony on account of being abandoned.  The martyrdom of Mary after My Ascension was not caused solely by My material absence.  She suffered terrible tests of an abandonment like to that I Myself underwent on the Cross.  My Father united her to Mine which gained so many graces”

When I read that, I was confused.

Jesus continued.  “The heart of Mary obtained these graces in the martyrdom of a solitude in which she was left, not by men she had St. John and the Apostles and many souls who fervently loved her, not by Me in My Body as she consoled herself with the Eucharist and with her living and perfect faith, but by the Trinity, which hid itself from her, leaving her in a spiritual and divine abandonment.”

“Mary suffered more than all abandoned souls, since she suffered a reflection of My Own abandonment on the Cross, one the worth of which cannot be estimated and which is wholly inexpressible.”

This abandonment of Mary, this vivid and palpitating martyrdom of her solitude, the desolating martyrdom of divine abandonment, which she suffered heroically, with loving resignation and sublime surrender to My will, is not honored.”

When I finally grasped these words in my heart, I could not hold back my tears.  How many years Mary lived on this Earth separated from the Trinity!! She accepted God’s will with perfection.

I can’t even begin to understand her internal suffering.  She is the spouse of the Holy Spirit, God’s favored daughter, mother of the Word Incarnate.  She lived thirty-three years in joyful bliss amongst the pains and sufferings of the life of a poor carpenter’s wife.  Her joy was internal because she was joined to the Trinity in a way that we can’t understand.  She was full of special graces that were given to her.  Can you imagine her anguish in this abandonment?

How can we follow Our Mother’s example and live in her solitude?  Jesus asks Conchita: “Imitate her in your littleness, in your poor capabilities strive with all the strength of your heart:  you must do it in order to obtain graces and to purify yourself. “

He continues: “It is a great honor for souls when the Father calls them to associate them with the Redemption: with the co-redemption uniting them with Me and Mary; with the apostolate of the Cross, that is, with that of innocent suffering, or sorrow full of love and pure, expiatory and salvific sorrow on behalf of the culpable world”

Conchita response is: “Mother of Sorrows whom I love so much, teach me to suffer as you suffered and to love Jesus as you loved Him in your awful solitude.”  I promised Him with all my heart to abandon myself in the God who abandons me.”

Mary said Yes perfectly.  She no longer had her own will as soon as she gave her “FIAT” her will became the Father’s will.  What love our Mother has for us.  The internal suffering that she endured in her final years on earth for her children that God entrusted to her.

My heart is full of so much love for Our Mother.  She could have said no and just lived in her own will the rest of her life, but she said YES.

The beautiful gift is that we can say YES as well.  We can give God our will and He will unite it to His and Mary’s for the salvation of souls.  Souls that we love and souls that we don’t even know.

Yes, we will never be perfect like Mary is, but we can try.  Jesus invited Conchita to offer herself up in her littleness and her poor capabilities.  We must give our FIAT to God and never look back always striving to do His will.

How do you know you are doing His will?  It’s usually when it’s the most uncomfortable for you.  Ask the Lord to show you His will.  Give Him the permission to reign in your heart and soul.  He will show His will.  It’s often in the little things that we do.  For example, my plan was to go to the store but unexpected company showed up, so I ended up having to go to the store another day.  That’s an easy example.

How about when you are fired from your job for standing up for your faith?  Do you accept it as God’s will and know that He has another job even better waiting for you?

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”  Romans 12:2

Living in God’s will is freedom.  Even when things happen that are hard to swallow:  the death of a loved one, a house burning down, etc.  God is always in the midst of everything we do, good or bad.  Accepting His will is the same as trusting in Him because He has a better house waiting for you.  Your loved one is in His mansion in Heaven and the new house you will have here on earth will be more than you ever dreamed it could be.

I remember all the years when I tried to figure out life myself, forcing everything to work the way that I wanted it to.  You would think that I would be happy, but I was miserable and anxious all the time.  The more that I let God take over, the more free I become.  I love to be a little girl again.  Life is such a joy.  I let God take over and His ways are so much better than mine.  Every minute of the day I see how He acts.  My day never goes as I plan it, but in the end its always better than I had envisioned.  

And Mary said: “Behold the handmaid of the Lord: be it done to me according to thy word.” And the angel departed from her. Luke 1:38

The beautiful gift of Mary as our Mother and example is the best hidden gift of God’s divine will.  Run to Mary, she will always bring you to Jesus.  She will show you her ways.

Most of the time, we give up before we start.  Yes, Mary is perfect without the stain of sin, but she is human just like us.  Why did God come as a child through her?  I think it was because He wants us to strive for holiness by looking at the example of His Mother and asking her for help.  She suffered in abandonment for so many years for love of us.  She desires that not one of her children are lost.

Don’t give up, keep pursuing the gifts that God has ready to give you.  Strive to do His will by modeling the Blessed Mother who said YES.  We just have to say YES too, God will do the rest.

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”  1 Thessalonians 5:18

For more information on my story and how to purchase my book, please visit my website at www.cheryleannemiller.com.

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